Psalm 51:17
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
Lord.. Please help me to understand and let you to work and keep my heart and mind open to you. Lord, please help me to be content even if things don't work out the way I want. Lord, bring me peace. Lord, I trust you. Please use me.
Lord I know I need to be broken before you. I give it all up.. I give everything I am and everything to your glory.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
"Do not fear, for I am with you..."
Scripture for consideration: Isaiah 41:10.
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
In the last few weeks I've been pretty absent. I've been trying to figure out what God needs from me in life. I've been struggling with what I feel I HAVE to do, what I feel God WANTS me to do, and what I NEED/WANT to do... I'm a selfish person. It's part of the human condition. It's not a secret that I struggle with what I want and what God wants/needs from me. It's not a secret that I often hear what I want, rather than what God intends for me to hear. I acknowledge that, and I'm trying to fix it. What I feel pressured into, what I feel I HAVE to do, is quit school and get a job. I've faced a similar situation before, and I did both. I had a full-time job, a kid, and graduated high school.. But, college, a full-time job, and having 3 kids is much different. I'm strapped for time as is... I can't imagine having more on top of what I currently have. I know it can be done... People do it everyday... I just really can't imagine. The thing I struggle with most, is not spending as much time with my kids. My kids are my life. I spend every moment with them. I can't imagine not seeing them as much as I do now. I know, I know.. suck it up and do what you have to do. But they're only little for so long, and I want to enjoy it while I can. As I said before, I'm selfish.
As for what I feel I NEED/WANT to do... I want to finish school. I want to graduate college. Not just for myself, but because I'll be able to get an awesome job and take care of my kids with no problems. I'll feel accomplished, and I'll be able to tell my kids I did it. They'll be proud of me for finishing college and they won't feel ashamed to have a mother who can't provide for herself and her kids. I know it's selfish. I know that it's not completely do-able right now. I know that. I just feel like this is something I HAVE to do.. It's the one thing I have that's just for me. It's mine... and I want it so bad. It just isn't something that seems to be plausible at this time.
When it comes to what God WANTS from me... I'm not sure. I need to really consider it and think hard about it. I need to ask him and genuinely open my heart to a reply. I know he knows what's best. I understand that it may not be what I want... But in the end, he knows best and I have to trust him.
That's one of my biggest struggles- trusting God. I know I need to. I want to. I know I need to lay my worries on God and trust that he will do what needs to be done. I have to trust that all the struggles and hardships are only going to make me a stronger person. I have to understand that God will never leave me like others in my life have. I have to learn to accept the unconditional love that the Lord has for me, and accept that he knows best. I truly, truly hope that this week I keep this in mind. I hope that praying and leaning on the Lord will help me to understand what path He needs me to take right now. Whatever it is, I'm determined to do it...
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
In the last few weeks I've been pretty absent. I've been trying to figure out what God needs from me in life. I've been struggling with what I feel I HAVE to do, what I feel God WANTS me to do, and what I NEED/WANT to do... I'm a selfish person. It's part of the human condition. It's not a secret that I struggle with what I want and what God wants/needs from me. It's not a secret that I often hear what I want, rather than what God intends for me to hear. I acknowledge that, and I'm trying to fix it. What I feel pressured into, what I feel I HAVE to do, is quit school and get a job. I've faced a similar situation before, and I did both. I had a full-time job, a kid, and graduated high school.. But, college, a full-time job, and having 3 kids is much different. I'm strapped for time as is... I can't imagine having more on top of what I currently have. I know it can be done... People do it everyday... I just really can't imagine. The thing I struggle with most, is not spending as much time with my kids. My kids are my life. I spend every moment with them. I can't imagine not seeing them as much as I do now. I know, I know.. suck it up and do what you have to do. But they're only little for so long, and I want to enjoy it while I can. As I said before, I'm selfish.
As for what I feel I NEED/WANT to do... I want to finish school. I want to graduate college. Not just for myself, but because I'll be able to get an awesome job and take care of my kids with no problems. I'll feel accomplished, and I'll be able to tell my kids I did it. They'll be proud of me for finishing college and they won't feel ashamed to have a mother who can't provide for herself and her kids. I know it's selfish. I know that it's not completely do-able right now. I know that. I just feel like this is something I HAVE to do.. It's the one thing I have that's just for me. It's mine... and I want it so bad. It just isn't something that seems to be plausible at this time.
When it comes to what God WANTS from me... I'm not sure. I need to really consider it and think hard about it. I need to ask him and genuinely open my heart to a reply. I know he knows what's best. I understand that it may not be what I want... But in the end, he knows best and I have to trust him.
That's one of my biggest struggles- trusting God. I know I need to. I want to. I know I need to lay my worries on God and trust that he will do what needs to be done. I have to trust that all the struggles and hardships are only going to make me a stronger person. I have to understand that God will never leave me like others in my life have. I have to learn to accept the unconditional love that the Lord has for me, and accept that he knows best. I truly, truly hope that this week I keep this in mind. I hope that praying and leaning on the Lord will help me to understand what path He needs me to take right now. Whatever it is, I'm determined to do it...
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